May 19, 2010

All grown up & everywhere to go

It's official we're on countdown to graduation. While my teen is screaming yes I'm screaming no!  I'm NOT ready for this at all. I thought I would be strong, be able to handle it. Heck I knew it was coming. I've had 18 years to prepare myself for this. But what I didn't prepare myself for was transitioning from being the participant in my daughter's life to now just being the spectator. My little baby girl, my first born is going off to college getting ready to make all her own decisions and having all the consequences that come with them.  It's a scary thought. How do I transition? How do I let go of the reins? How do I help her now start her own life without my input? How, how, how? I don't think I know how to do that.

Now that it's so close to putting her on a airplane I just keep hearing tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock, time won't stop, will it? Can I turn back the hands of time and get a few more moments with her? Make a few more memories? I think the fact that I'll be living in Germany for 2-5 more years it's sinking in that I can't just hop in the car and go see her. Make sure she's doing alright. Make sure she has everything she needs. Just go see her smiling face. No I'll be here in Germany up bright and early in the morning with a cup of coffee in my hand and SKYPE on my computer hoping she'll be online so I can see her. The time difference really isn't too bad. Her nights are my mornings and my mornings are her nights. Man it sure is going to be a very long 2 years waiting to see if we are going home or staying here in Europe.

Guess I'll take this whole children leaving the nest in strides. One day at time kinda thing. Some days I know it's going to be just my pillow and a box a Kleenex and other days it's going to be me dancing around the house with our favorite songs on.

When I tell you that my daughter has been my life, it's the truth. My life completely changed when I was 17 and saw her big brown eyes look up at me for the first time. She's been the light guiding me to be a great mother and to strive for a better life not only for her but for me.

Nobody ever said being a mommy was easy, putting her on the airplane to head off college is going to be  proof of that. I know it will be one of the hardest days of my life.


Sarcastic Sarah said...

OH BREE!! I can only imagine how you are feeling right now, but I know you, and you are going to be fine, and Miranda is such an AWESOME kid, she will give you no worries!!!

Michele C. McCleary said...

Don't know if it gets any easier with the 2nd. Our first graduated 5 years ago, got married after a year in college & we now have a 1 year old grandson. Thankfully our 2nd has different "goals" in her life, or does she? Our youngest is 10 so it will be a while, however entering into the 5th grade - last year of elementary, it is a sombering thought. On the other side, it brings a "newness" to ones relationship with their spouse.....and the little ones enjoy the time away visiting with the adult children.

Definately I feel for you, as I remember, but you will do great! You will always be matter....your relationship will deepen, & you will become friends....real comfort each other, laugh with each other, & just have plain ole fun.......You will be just fine.......