September 17, 2012

Got It Taken Care Of

[back dated March 30th 2005]It looks like my DH got things settled and he will able to re-enlist. I have been going back and forth all night now with it though. Maybe he should just get out. He can get the same kind of paying job back home. Making the same amount of money he is here in military, medical, dental benefits. It would be minus the stress of having him keep deploying for another 6 years on and off. It would ensure that I have a life partner to enjoy my life with, the kids have a daddy. He wouldn't have to worry if he is going to make it home alive from Iraq or not. I don't know. I am glad that he worked this all out, and kept to his guns. He doesn't back down for anyone, that is one of the things I admire him for. He takes nobody bullshit and tells it like it is. So with this re-up out of the way and he can go ahead as planned next month, I am having second thoughts.

Last night when I was laying there without him, I thought you know maybe we are not meant to re-up. Maybe this is telling us that he needs to get out. Maybe he will not make it this time. I really am confused. This means for another six years he will be in. And with no insight of knowing we will pull troops out of Iraq while Bush is in office, that means he will deploy probably the entire time he stays in. I think I would rather have a husband alive then dead. I think I would rather him work a civilan job and not have all this extra stress the military gives him and our family. I will sit down and talk to him once he awakes from pulling cq last night. I do not know if I want him to do this now. I can't bare another six years of wondering do I have a husband or don't I. He is not gung ho Army either, he could care less if he stays in or gets out . He did this not because of the WTC bombings, not to go defend our country, not to go fight in a war against another  helpless country. He did it for personal reasons. So sending back into harms way to me seems senseless. And his life is more precious to me then to have sign his life away again for another six years. To the military who right now only cares about making sure they have soldiers in Iraq to continue to occupy it.  I would rather us struggling for a few months then deal with a lifetime of pain because he died.

I am sorry I am being so harsh. This is how I feel though. This is what the truth is about being a military wife and family. You have to deal with death and think about it. I don't want to see anymore soldiers killed, and want them pulled out of that country. They are done. Bring them home now......The death count is high enough, too high....I don't want my soldier's name on that list....I guess it it time to have the heart to heart talk again like we did when he decided to re-join the military after being out three years. I will let you know what we decide. But my stand now is that I will push him and tell him not to re-up and get out, and we will start planning our steps to get out and go back to civilian life. Happier then we are now, of course. And being a family and couple and enjoying life, not stressing if we have a life.

Thanks for reading. Hugs and prayers

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