September 17, 2012

Missing my best friend today.......

While out and about shopping today I kept seeing all the "couples" shopping together. Holding hands, kissing, laughing, swinging their kids by the hands while walking. Then I started getting sad. It made me miss my soldier. I mean I miss him every day all day long. Sometimes I get busy doing something and it takes my mind off missing him momentarily. But then I do something like go shopping to pass the thinking time but NOPE, got slammed today. Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks too. I think I have been doing "really" good this time while he is in the field. I thought I was doing ok.
But as the night has dragged on and the hours have turned into the AM hours now I see I am not doing good. I am becoming even sadder sitting here typing. I dread thinking about heading down the hallway to "our" bed. I know when I get there my soldier is not there. I know I will spend countless hours thinking and wishing he was lying next to me. Holding me. I hug my body pillow tight and try not thinking about my soldier. But I can't do it. I really miss him more then anything. I knew when he went to Iraq that I could lose him. I knew that when his unit got extended that I could lose him. I know now while he is in the field I can not lose him, but the long lonely days are making me feel like I lost him. Losing him more and more to the military. To his job. Not something I wanted nor want to see grow into even more hours apart and more hours spent away. I know this will happen. As he moves up the ladder in rank. I already feel and see it now.
My girlfriend's are here, and they try to help comfort me. They really do. They call, stop by. We go to movies, dinner, shop but it is not the same. They too have their soldiers gone. Some wives LOVE having their soldier gone while others are like me. Wanting them home. I want my husband here. Laughing with me or at me-hehe and cuddling with me while I watch some silly 80's movie. I want to look across the dinner table and see him sitting there smiling at me, saying I love you babe, your beautiful. I know this is only a month apart, it could be worse but for me it is worse. I already spent a year and half separated from him and now enduring all these months apart. I sometimes want to scream out and say this is so UNFAIR.
First you take my soldier into a war zone and now you take him away every other month till he is to redeploy. This is not FAIR. Nothing compares to having my soldier here at home with me. It is a feeling I have inside of being and feeling safe. Like we have our "own"spot in this world and it is here in our home. I am relaxed and calm and happy. He truly brightens my mornings and starts my days off right. When he is gone I feel like not getting out of bed in the morning. Not doing anything. I know I will be starting my missing him day soon as I sit up in bed. He is my comfort. My joy. I really miss you baby so much. I love you more then anything. The war may have done a lot of not so good things but one truly good thing it did do was bond us even closer then we were. Nothing will EVER break that bond either-you know that.
Honey if you happen to read this entry today, know that I am here thinking about you. Missing you. Counting the days till you return home to me. The days seem to get longer and the nights seem to run into morning. I sleep awful and sometimes not at all. I just want to hug you and have you kiss me and say you love me. I just miss your presence. You are my best friend. And I miss my best friend =(
Okay well I am going off so I will go now. Loving and missing you tonight baby more then I have been.
Drew has a t-ball game tonight and we an FRG meeting, so call me tonight or e-mail and let me know when to call you. Have a wonderful day. Huge hugs to you sweetheart. Oh and if you stop by to peek in on me, show me some love ok =)

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