July 16, 2011

Dear Deployment-I HATE You!

Sometimes I really hate deployments. No I take that back I hate deployments all the time but days like today I REALLY loath them. When your soldier calls and says we're going out on mission, you have no idea if that mission is going to be an easy one or a rough one. If they're going out into harms ways or just something simple. So when when your soldier tells you I will call you in the morning and then you get no phone call in the morning the worrying starts. Not just for a few moments either but until you get that call or text that he is ok. In the meantime your left trying to deal with this unwanted stress that you have for the day. Which anyone going through a deployment or has went through one knows is stressful. So what do you to keep your mind off this? How do you just go on with your day trying to somehow enjoy it when you know your soldier is out there somewhere on a mission and they didn't call you? How? It is this kind of stress of the deployment that for me is the hardest to deal with. This is my third go around having my soldier deployed to a war zone and it has not gotten easier. In a matter of fact it has become harder. I started working out during his last deployment to cope with some of the stress and continue to workout but that is just a few hour solution. Once my workout is finished I'm back to stressing out about my phone not ringing. I hate that! I feel tied to my cell phone like a ball and chain. I can't ever be without because I can't miss that text or phone call telling me he is ok. Food use to be my go to guy when I was stressing. Especially ice cream. I dont do that anymore, turn to ice cream to comfort me. I blog, walk my dog, scrapbook, or just sit in my room and listen to uplifting songs. Can I tell you though I am tired of deployments. Sick and tired of them. Can I also tell you I am sick of being a military wife and the lifestyle that goes along with it. I have put in my time and my time is about up. I'm at the end of my rope and there is nothing left to hold unto. I can't take anymore. I want a normal life. Maybe something you civilians would call a 9-5. I want that life. At least when my husband gets up and kisses me goodbye for work I know he will come home at the end of day. Not get blown up by some insurgent who decided to leave an IED on the side of the road. When do I get that 9-5? It can not come soon enough.

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