August 18, 2011

Me and My Rut

Walking on Sunshine always seems to pop in my head first thing in the morning when I wake up, you know the song by Katrina and the Waves. If you haven't heard it you must listen to it, it's very upbeat and I hope now puts a smile on your face Listen to Walking on Sunshine click here! But I don't really feel like smiling lately. I feel like I'm in a rut and not sure what to do about it. No I take that back I know I'm in a rut and I know what I need to do about...I'm just scared. Inside my head I see myself taking all the necessary steps to get out of this rut but emotionally I'm not ready to do that. I've been in this rut on and off for about 10 years. Don't get me wrong I have some really great fantastic weeks and sometimes even months but then I have awful, horrible, aching weeks and sometimes months like now. This one has been on going for about 14 days. Don't really see an end to this one except for me to take that plunge. I'm on the edge of the cliff with a bungee cord and I know the landings going to be VERY bumpy but I also know that I will bounce right back up. Why I am so gosh darn scared to JUMP?!?!? I've been taking a few steps towards this leap but haven't gotten enough courage nor strength to take it[YET]! This long grueling process that I've been waiting to put into action the past 10 years has taken some major set backs. Some my own fault some out of my control. I'm determined to not let these set backs STOP me from going forward with my plans. I've finally come to the conclusion that unless I do this for me and start putting me first I will end up regretting never having tried. So with that said know next week I will take another step closer to taking the FINALE leap. My rut will get bigger and my smile will fade even more. But I think once I do this my rut I've been in for what seems like forever will be OVER! That will be one of the happiest days of my life.


No comments: